Farewells
by EmrysTheMerlin
Summary: Merlin's secret has been discovered and sudenly it's a choice between death for himself, helping in the distruction of everything he has built, or running and never coming back. And if he does flee where will he go? How will Arthur take Merlins decision? Takes place before The Sorcerers Lament.
1. How?

**(Authors Note: Me again! Ok so in my first story, The Sorcerers Lament; there are mentions of a seven year period of time that seems to leave people wondering. So I thought I should explain. See I had this idea a while back for kind of a mix of legend and BBC that seems cool, so I wrote it down. First in The Sorcerers Lament, but that isn't where this version begins. Far from it. There are subtle differences to several parts of the story. THIS TAKES PLACE SEVEN YEARS and a few months BEFORE THE SORCERERS LAMENT! But is not essential to understand said story. I do not own BBC's Merlin or the Arthurian Legend. I should also mention that in this version everyone thinks Morgana is dead after the events of The Darkest Hour part 2 and this takes place after Aithusa)**

Farewells

Part 1 How?

How had everything gone so wrong? How?! The past few months had been wonderful. We had gotten Camelot back from Morgana, Arthur was king now and he'd even married Gwen. So how had everything gone so wrong for me in just one day?

Riding my black horse, silent as a shadow, through the forest I tried to fathom what had happened. Then my mind seized on it. The source of my problem. Lord Deric of Mercia, Lord Bayard's son. He had caused this. He was the reason I was leaving, the reason I could never come back.

All my problems had started just a few hours ago. We had gone hunting. Of course it couldn't just be a normal hunt. No it had to end with us getting attacked. This time they were bandits, sort of. They had once been guards, Cenreds fall had left many such men all over the five kingdoms.

There had been too many of them, so I had used my magic. I had saved Arthur and several of the other knights and we had won. I didn't know at the time that Deric had seen me. Why had he even come with us? Of course Arthur wanted good relations with Mercia and had invited him along, stupid politics.

Imagine my surprise when a mere hour after returning to Camelot I had found myself cornered by him. He had demanded the truth. I had tried to deny it, tried to lie. Arthur wasn't ready to learn about me yet, after all he had suffered because of magic he'd never accept it and all hope for Albion would be lost. But Deric couldn't be convinced. He knew, and he was ecstatic. But not because he was a friend of magic.

He wanted me to use my powers to help him dethrone not only his father but Arthur as well. He wanted to rule. I had naturally refused. I would never use my gifts against Arthur or Camelot. Well not intentionally, though the accidental murder of his father still ate at my mind. So Deric had given me a choice.

Either I helped him bring down the place I had come to call home, or he would not only see me burn but he would hunt down everyone I loved and destroy them.

However, I had a third choice. Disappear, simply vanish and never come back. I had chosen the third option.


	2. Leaving Letters

**(Authors Note: Still don't own BBC's Merlin or the Arthurian legend. Sorry this parts so short and yes I will eventually get to Arthur. And just to be clear, the Lancelot in this story is the real Lancelot not a shade. However this one is more like the one from the legend, too loyal to Arthur to do anything about his feelings for least for a while)**

Part 2 Leaving Letters

And so I waited until I was sure that everyone was asleep. I packed only the essentials. My magic book, a staff taken from a Shide in human form, a few changes of clothes, all the money I had saved, and feeling insanely guilty one of Gaius' books about magical creatures just in case I ran into trouble.

I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye to him, but I couldn't let him stop me. So, guilt gripping my heart in its iron fist, I left him a letter.

_ 'Dear Gaius,_

_ I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me. You have been more than a father and better than the best of friends. For your safety I cannot tell you why I am leaving. All I can say is that I am leaving and I doubt I will ever be back. I wish I didn't have to go but it is for the safety of everyone I love. I will miss you terribly and I will never forget the lessons you have taught me. I will always be proud to conceder myself your son._

_ Merlin.'_

Arthur would come looking for me. So to forestall any attempts to follow me I left a letter for him and Gwen as well.

_ 'Dear Gwen and Arthur,_

_ I resign. Don't be too hard on George, he is a good person. I will miss you both._

_ Gwen. You were the first friend I made in Camelot. You are kind, strong, selfless, and brave. You have a pure heart, never lose that. _

_ Arthur. From the day I first met you I knew you were a prat, but over the years you have grown so much. You are strong, noble, brave to the point of stupidity, and completely selfless even if you somehow still manage to be a prat about it. I've said it before though; you must learn to listen as well as you fight. Gwen's advice is invaluable, listen to it. Trust the knights and value your people._

_ I apologize for the short notice but an emergency has come to my attention. I hope that someday I can return to a Camelot that is twice as prosperous and happy as I left it. Never lose faith in yourself or your friends; they are your greatest asset._

_ Goodbye,_

_ Merlin'_

Having left the letters on my pillow where I knew Gaius would find them in the morning I left. Sneaking out of Camelot was easy. I had done it many times, both on horseback and on foot. I took my horse this time. I would need it.


	3. Where To Go When You Have No Home

**(Authors Note: Still don't own Merlin or the Arthurian Legend. Ok, technically three points of view make up this story. First Person Merlin {He dominates the story}, First Person Lancelot {He'll crop up once or twice}, and First Person Arthur {He's kind of just around.}. Just so we get everybody's view, I'll let you know when we get to Arthur and Lancelot.)**

Part 3 Where To Go When You Have No Home

**{Still Merlin's POV}**

I paused. I was at least a mile, maybe more, outside the lower town. Turning in my saddle I could just barely make out the tops of the citadel glinting in the moonlight. The red Pendragon banner flew proudly and I felt the tears flow freely now. I had no idea where I was going to go.

I couldn't go home, Camelot was my home and I wouldn't put her in danger. I couldn't go to Ealdor lest I put my mother in danger. Now that Gwaine was a knight I couldn't just travel around with him. I had never felt more alone.

And suddenly I knew. The one person I needed right now more than anyone, the one person I could be truthful with.

I made it to the lake and tied up my horse. Would I even be coming back? I hadn't thought of that. Could I just stay here? Something like hope began to rise in me. Kicking off my shoes carelessly I almost jogged up to the water. Placing my hand on the water I closed my eyes and let magic flow into her name. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to do.

"Freya." When I opened my eyes nothing appeared to have changed and I felt frustration and fear. I needed her. I took a deep breath and dove into the water.

**{Lancelot's POV}**

What on earth was Merlin doing out this early? I wondered. Had I not been watching the shadows very carefully while on sentry duty I would have missed him. He was riding his horse, a pack strapped to its saddle and a staff strapped to his back diagonally so it wouldn't bother the horse.

I hesitated then followed him. He never snuck out this late unless there was something big going on and with all that had happened over these last few months he might need help. I kept my distance though. Two miles outside the town he stopped and turned in his saddle. But he wasn't looking back at me.

Tears were glinting on his face as he watched the banner flying over the citadels highest tower. He seemed to pause as if deciding where to go. Then he spurred his horse hard, almost galloping. I followed and found myself at a lake I had never seen before. It was beautiful, the mountain and wildflowers reflected from its still surface and the moonlight cast everything in surreal silver light. Merlin dismounted tying up his horse and kicking off his shoes.

I didn't see what he did to the lake but I could feel the magic in the word he spoke.

"Freya." Was that a different language? What did it mean? Before I had time to process what he was doing he dove into the lake. I waited for him to come back up for air. And waited, and waited. Panic clawed at my chest. I may not know the extent of Merlin's powers but I was pretty sure he couldn't breathe underwater.


	4. What Happened In The Lake

**(Authors Note: Still don't own Merlin or the Arthurian Legend)**

Part 4 What Happened In The Lake

**{Merlin's POV}**

My lungs ached for air and my eyes stung but I refused to surface. I needed Freya. I knew in the rational part of my mind, the part that normally had control, that I was being childish and a little stupid. But the rational part of my mind had lost control of my brain when Deric had threatened me. My head started to spin when I felt the warm familiar touch.

Breathing out I found I was able to do so without drowning. Smiling through the tears I turned and caught my Freya in a warm embrace. She held me there at the bottom of the lake as my breath returned to normal and the tears subsided.

"Merlin. Why are you crying? What's happened?" Her voice was magical in more ways than one. I held her close and told her everything. When I had finished there was silence for a moment.

"I don't know what to do Freya. I'm scared and I can't go to Arthur. He can't learn about my magic now. Maybe in a few years he could have accepted it but after Morgana's treachery and his father's death he would have my head. Especially if he learns how his father truly died." She hushed me calming the rising panic in my chest.

"You must do what you think is right. I fear I won't see you again for some time and this makes me sad but it is what you must do." I stared at her confused and a bit sad. So I couldn't stay. I had honestly known it wasn't a viable option but I had hoped. I heard a splash above us. Looking up I saw Lancelot swimming down towards us. Freya held me a little tighter; she wasn't used to other people. I myself was suppressed at his appearance. He must have followed me from Camelot. I could see him struggling for breath and glanced at Freya who nodded.

**{Lancelot's POV}**

I dove in after him forgetting that heavy chain mail was not good for swimming, forgetting everything but the thought of my friend lying on the bottom of a lake dead. However when I finally did spot him he was most definitely alive.

And in the arms of a very pretty girl. Merlin had a girlfriend? Well I really shouldn't be surprised, Merlin might be clumsy but I knew the truth and I would bet Gwaine's latest tavern bill this girl knew too. My lungs were struggling for air. Merlin's voice drifted up to me.

"Lancelot, it's alright. You can breathe." I found that he was right. I was soon standing next to the two feeling utterly like I was intruding.

"Merlin are you ok? You don't normally leave Camelot this late." His face was a mask of misery. He shook his head in answer to my question. He seemed to make a split second decision.

"I'm not going back to Camelot Lancelot. There's no point anymore. My destiny is done, as done as it ever will be, and I can't go on lying to everyone. I'm sorry." I was about to protest, I knew he was lying I could see it in his face, when he raised his hand and spoke a word.

"Swepnu." That was the last thing I heard for a while.

**{Merlin's POV}**

I had to lie to him. I couldn't tell him the truth, oh I could tell him about Lord Deric until I was blue in the face but I wouldn't change my mind. I wouldn't be exploited against Camelot; I would not be like Morgana.

I caught him and lay his sleeping form down on the bottom of the lake. I hadn't wanted to have to so that. I hadn't expected to be followed. I turned back to Freya a sad smile on my face and tears in my eyes. I really wouldn't see her again for a very long time. I embraced her one last time and kissed her gently.

"Do what you believe is right Merlin. Even two sides of a coin are cast separately. Perhaps to fulfill your destiny with Arthur you must first find yourself." I smiled and nodded.

"I love you Freya."

"I love you too. We will meet again I promise." I smiled and levitated Lancelot in front of me. We reached the surface and I lead his horse, with him slung over its back, back towards Camelot. I let it go back on its own, it would find its way and he would wake soon. I magically covered the horse's tracks to prevent anyone from finding Freya and trying to hurt her or her lake. Then I set off, where I was going I had no idea, but I knew that wherever it was my friends would be safe.


	5. Missing Servants and Halfdrown Knights

**(Authors Note: Still don't own Merlin or the Arthurian Legend. Arthur time! )**

Part 5 Of Missing Servants and Half Drowned Knights

"MERLIN!" I burst through Gaius's door and stopped cold. The room was empty but I could hear noises from Merlin's room. Noises that sounded a lot like crying. I had known Gaius since I was a small child, forever in fact, and I had never seen him openly cry. That meant it was Merlin, which meant there was something wrong with Gaius.

Heart racing I ran into my servants small chambers only to be stopped cold again. Merlin wasn't here. Gaius was staring down at a letter in his hand sobbing. My blood ran cold.

"Gaius what's wrong?" There wasn't a quaver in my voice, at least I would never admit to one. He shook his head unable to answer and pointed to a letter on the pillow of the bed. It had Gwen's and my name on it, in Merlin's handwriting. I snatched it up wanting to comfort the physician but needing to know what it said. I knew Gwen would throttle me if I opened it without her.

"I'll be back, I promise Gaius." And with that I bolted. She was still in our room. She looked at me and paled.

"Arthur what's wrong?" I held out the letter out of breath. I flopped in one of the chairs as she began to read it aloud for my benefit.

"'Dear Gwen and Arthur. I resign.' What?! Why?" there was hurt in her eyes but she spotted my face and quickly kept reading.

"'Don't be too hard on George, he is a good person.'" She got all the way through the letter before the tears choked her voice. Hurt and confusion mingled on her face and I pulled her into a close embrace, hushing her.

"Why would he leave Arthur? Why? It doesn't make sense! He would have told us something about an emergency. And he always comes back. Why does it sound like he left for good?" I had no idea why but I did know one thing, Merlin hadn't wanted to leave. Gwen might not have noticed them but as a hunter I could find the smallest detail.

The writing was slightly smeared, Merlin's hand had been shaking when he wrote this, and there were tearstains on it. They weren't Gwen's and the letter had been sealed when I had taken it from Gaius. Gaius. I needed to talk to him. But before I could detach from my wife to go back to the distraught physician the warning bells began to ring. I cursed what now?

I soon discovered what as I ran down to the courtyard and found Gwaine pulling an unconscious Lancelot from his horse. A wet unconscious Lancelot. I took one of his arms and together Gwaine and I got him back to Gaius. I hated to interrupt Gaius at a time like this but Lancelot needed his help. He seemed glad of the distraction.

"He's fine my lord. Merely sleeping."

"What?!"

"Yes, it appears he may have breathed a little water but not enough to harm him."

"So he just fell asleep on his horse?"

"It would appear that way sire." I wanted, badly, to hit Lancelot but falling asleep while on sentry duty let alone wandering off and then falling asleep on a horse was unlike him.

"Merlin. . ." He mumbled it in his sleep but I froze.

**{Lancelot's POV}**

I opened my eyes feeling cold, wet, and insanely well rested. Then I remembered what had happened. I shot straight up in what felt like the patients cot in Gaius's chambers.

"Merlin!" I found Arthur and Gaius both hovering, each looking concerned and confused. Arthur looked slightly irritated and Gaius looked sad, his eyes were red.

"Lancelot. What happened?" They asked in unison. I shot Gaius a significant look and said.

"I don't remember all of it sire. I saw Merlin leaving through the side gate and thought it was odd that he was leaving with a full pack and a weapon in the middle of the night. So I followed him. But it was dark and I lost him. My horse heard something and bucked me off. Must have knocked me out. How did I get back here?" Arthur was looking skeptical.

"Merlin must have heard your horse buck you off and caught it. You arrived unconscious on its back." I sighed in relief.

"So where is Merlin?" Both faces tightened. He had to have come back with me right. He had to have. How else had I stayed on my horse? Then it hit me. Magic. He had used his magic to make sure I didn't get hurt on the way back to Camelot. I buried my head in my hands.

**{Arthur's POV}**

Well that was no help at all. Lancelot had no idea where Merlin was and neither did I but it appeared he had left of his own free will.

If he didn't want to be here anymore who was I to stop him? Well I was the bloody king! I could do what I bloody well wanted! But should I?

"Gaius can I speak with you for a moment?" I gestured reluctantly up to Merlin's room. Gaius nodded.

"What is it my lord?" Gaius asked closing the door.

"Why did he leave? Why would he just abandon me? I mean us. Why, after all that we have been through, would he just leave a cryptic note?!" I couldn't believe it after everything, from saving my life the first day we met to helping me regain my kingdom, when we finally had a moment's peace and some happiness he up and left. My only friend in the world who had been there every time I needed him leaving without even quitting to my face, it hurt.

Tears were stinging my eyes and I ignored them. 'No man is worth your tears.' I tried to remember that, but they came anyway. I sat down hard on his bed. Why? Why couldn't he at least tell me to my face that he was leaving? I felt Gaius's hand on my shoulder.

"I'm afraid I have no answer." I looked up at him with as much indignation as I could muster and saw tears in his eyes as he handed me the letter he had been holding earlier. I took it and read it. My worst fear was confirmed by the lines,

'_For your own safety I can't tell you why I am leaving. All I can say is that I am leaving ad I doubt I will ever be back.' _He hadn't left because he wanted to. He had left because something was making him. Something he couldn't share even with Gaius.


	6. Crossing The Border FINAL CHAPTER

**(Authors Note: Ok still don't own Merlin or the Arthurian Legend. Last part people! There will be a sequel! Anyway read on!)**

Part 6 Crossing The Border

'_Young warlock, what do you think you are doing?'_

_ 'Leaving. Before you yell at me I have a reason. I'm leaving to protect my destiny. Someone in Camelot wishes to exploit my powers against Arthur. I'm just doing what I've done every other time Arthur has been threatened by magic. I'm removing magic as a factor.'_ Kilgarah sighed.

_'Destiny cannot be avoided young warlock. I thought you knew that.'_

_ 'I do, I'm not avoiding. I need to leave to keep them safe, so I'm leaving.'_

_ 'I will see you again young warlock.'_

_ 'I knew you were going to say that.'_

_ 'Good luck little one.'_

_ 'Thank you.'_ And with that I broke the connection with the dragon and spurred my horse over the border of Camelot. I refused to look back, I didn't know if I'd ever see it again but I knew there was no turning around for now. So I set off into the unknown.

**{Arthur's POV, Several months later}**

"There is still no sign of him sire. And we have reports of a band of thugs menacing one of the outlying villages." Leon said and I nodded. Merlin had been gone for almost four months now. It was time to let it go.

"Call off the search parties. Gwaine, Lancelot, and Percival. You are to take some men and deal with these thugs." They nodded and the meeting adjourned. As I was about to close the door behind me I heard Gwaine's angry voice.

"How can he just give up!? We still haven't found Merlin! We can't call off the search!" He was obviously furious.

"It's been almost four months. He left of his own free will there's no point looking anymore. If he wants to he'll come back." Lancelot's voice. Ever since Merlin had left he seemed to have become the voice of reason for everyone. He wasn't as good at it as Merlin had been but I had to admit he was trying.

"He didn't even say goodbye." Gwaine's voice broke and I heard Lancelot consoling him as I hurried off down the hall. I tried to justify stopping the search parties to myself. Lancelot is right, there's no point. But part of me didn't care. I wanted Merlin back. Camelot just wasn't the same without him. But the fact remained that I had bigger problems. Lord Bayard had died just a few days ago and now it seemed his idiot son was amassing forces against Camelot.


End file.
